Where Everybody Knows Your Name


from Citiwire.net

by Mary Newsom

The TV bar, “Cheers,” was a perfect, though fictional, example of one. The Paris café Les Deux Magots was a real one, and it famously drew artists and intellectuals such as Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir. If you’re lucky, you live near one, too: a coffeehouse, pub, barber shop or general store where you can visit anytime and linger. You’ll see people you know and people you don’t, and no one makes you leave ’til you’re ready.

Sociologist Ray Oldenburg dubbed them Third Places in his 1989 book, The Great Good Place. He wrote that Third Places (not work, not home) are “the heart of a community’s social vitality, the grassroots of democracy.” But in the U.S., he wrote, we’ve almost lost them, as people spend more time in cars, in shopping malls, or at home in front of a screen.

Earlier this month I spent a couple of days in Toronto at a conference for the Information Architecture Institute, which drew hundreds of bright and creative people interested in the human mind, IT and how they intersect. One social media expert spoke about Oldenburg, and proposed that online social networks such as Facebook and Twitter are America’s new Third Places.

Well, no.

This is a defense of the value of real places where real people meet, and the little-heeded but significant role they play in the life of our cities and towns.

Online networks can, of course, create social and business relationships. Facebook, MySpace and Twitter let people meet and keep in touch, and occasionally in-person friendships flower from Facebook “friending.” Indeed, their popularity may well be fed by the lack of true Third Places in our lives.

Still, as Third Places they’re mere metaphors for the real thing.

A Third Place exists in the three-dimensional world inhabited by the bodies of human beings. Sure, at any hangout what people talk about may sound a lot like their Facebook status or Tweets. But being in another human’s physical presence transforms the relationship. You hear vocal inflections and regional accents and notice whether their teeth are straight or their shoes are shabby. You may even smell them–for better or worse.

Not infrequently, when I meet politicians or other public figures whose opinions I completely disagree with, they turn out to be personable and sympathetic people. (And some turn out to be nutty as a Payday candy bar, but that’s a column for another day.) Meeting in person isn’t likely to change my views–or theirs–but seeing someone in the whole shifts the relationship.

Studies find anywhere from 65 percent to 93 percent of our communication with others is nonverbal–through tone of voice, small expressions and body language. That’s why diplomats meet in person. It’s why the president sits down with foreign leaders.

And it’s one of the reasons that real places–and real public places–matter. “Deprived of these settings,” Oldenburg wrote in his introduction to The Great Good Place, “people remain lonely within their crowds.”

Online it’s easy to mingle only with people with whom you agree. In Charlotte, a reporter recently interviewed Facebook users about their opinions on health care reform and found people on both sides of the issue believed most Facebook users agreed with them.

Americans’ growing tendency to migrate toward communities of the like-minded is the subject of Bill Bishop’s book, The Big Sort: Why the Clustering of Like-Minded America is Tearing Us Apart. And there’s evidence it might be making us ruder.

continue reading article at citiwire.net

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2 Responses to Where Everybody Knows Your Name

  1. lyndastucky says:

    Dear Mary,
    I am a fan of social media but your blog says it well–being in someone else’s presence transforms relationships. Since a large part of our impressions of others lies in the way a person sounds and the visible aspects, we are missing a great deal when we spent time only in social media circles. Often, the judgement of character is based on eye contact and other facial expressions. It reminds me of the time I met someone for coffee and within 30 seconds of the conversation, I felt uncomfortable. His body movements and lack of eye contact put me on edge. I would not have picked up on that if we connected by facebook. We often “brand” ourselves more effectively in a live meeting.

    I like the idea of getting back to community in coffee shops, bars or bookstores but it is difficult to imagine that this will happen anytime soon.

    Thanks for the insightful post.

    • Josh Grigsby says:

      Lynda – Thanks for the comment…however, I’ve merely reposted Mary Newsom’s article. She is unlikely to see your comment unless you post it here, at the original article. Thanks for checking out planologie, though.

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